My Girlies -- Feb 2008

NOT PREGNANT ANYMORE!

The last week or two of pregnancy was awesome. At that point, I could have stayed pregnant forever, happily. But, alas, such was not to be. Contractions began Thursday, June 14th, at 4:45am. And a 7 lb, 12 oz, girl was born in my bedroom at home at 5:43pm that same day.

And, yeah, it hurt like a hmmhmmhmmhmm!

Here she is at six days old:















And here she is at two days old, with her ecstatically loving big sis:



















We're all in love with each other. :)

GIRL

Some of you know; some of you don't. (Let's not pretend I was ever great about keeping in touch!)

Munchkin got her wish; her little SISTER is due in June of 2007! (My apologies to the little one for airing her private business to the world!)

Roberto was pulling for a boy, but I think Munchkin's will was stronger.

















Also: It took me five years to forget how exhausting it is to be pregnant. It may take me another five.

4 Wedding Pics

Hey, that back-of-the-head looks familiar!

It's PUNKYYYY! I'm making that face because the photographer wouldn't take the pic of me planting a giant smooch on her cheek. Denied.

Mommy & Baby

Candid photography!

Thank you, photographer! Thank you, Munchkin! Thank you muito, Punky! And thank you, dude-who-married-me! MWAH!

2006, 12/01 - Hi!

Where have we BEEN?!

Update:


First, there was: the standard amount of cuteness you have come to expect from the Munchkin.

Then, a house was purchased, and walls were painted green. (Sorry, no pic.)


Then, there was a wedding!


And a flowergirl!

Then, there was a honeymoon. (Also no pics.)


And, most recently, there was a first-ever major haircut.


Followed by a donation to Locks of Love.

And then I didn't know where to find the USB cord to my digital camera for a really long time. And then I found it when I was actually left alone one night because the husband had a late gig and I can't stay up late anymore because my body can't handle it because it is working over-time to incubate a new little munchkin. And that's how you have new pics today, and that's pretty much it for the update!

But also:

Munchkin: [enters room, arms outstretched] "Iiiiit's MEEE, you ollld poop!"
[quoting Katharine Hepburn's character in "On Golden Pond", thank you very much, yes, she's adorable, and I will be keeping her.]

2006, 06/12 - Baby's First Recital!

She loved it! She wants to do more recitals! Every day!







Tap costume



















Ballet costume













Ready to go on-stage for rehearsal













Caption: The recital!

Better caption: Me, excitedly recording a moment I would 10 minutes later accidentally delete--causing massive and life-long self-hatred.






But at least I recorded the rehearsal--although not with my fancy, brand-new, expensive, bought-just-for-this-recital camcorder.

And I did successfully record her ballet performance--only lost the tap. Still...GOD!
Hate! Self!


Me, excitedly recording a moment I will NEVER EVER EVER delete.






Need to make copies. Lots and lots of copies. And hide them. In a vault. Away from stupid me!

2006, 06/01 - Simma down nah!

1. I have vanilla nut coffee and several kinds of muffins and two giant croissants. HAPPY!
2. SO! HAPPY!

Decided last night that:

1. Munchkin is too bossy.
2. This is my fault, because I've always thought the bossiness was cute.
3. The bossiness is sometimes very cute--because she's just like ME!
4. But the bossiness is no longer cute now that [drumroll for last night's epiphany]: For probably the first time ever, Munchkin and I do not actually want the same things. We're both growing up, and a little bit apart, but in a normal way. And it's hard. She's my BABY and I want her to STAY my baby. And she kinda wants to stay my baby, too. (aww) So we're both trying to boss each other into playing along with our own plans. Kinda funny, in a way.
5. But now it's time for me to really learn how to assert my motherly authority.
6. I guess.

2006, 05/31 - Us So Far

2006, 05/31 - Blathering

1) Don't even bother trying to Google "preschooler tantrums" or "preschooler whining". Just don't. Because this is what you get:

A. "The other night, Bunny was being rambunctious, throwing things around her bedroom while I was trying to get the girls ready for bed. I warned her that if she kept it up she would not be allowed to bake cookies with me once my toddler was asleep. She then picked up a tube of diaper cream, and when I asked her for it, she threw it at me (so tired of the throwing!). It hit my toddler in the face making her hysterical. I sent Bunny to her room, told her she wasn't baking cookies, and that was that. When I went to check on her 10 minutes later, she was asleep." Oh, she fell asleep! Great! That solves everything! "Hey, Munchkin! Stop whining! Go to sleep! Need help? Here's some vodka!"

and:

B. "[Another morning,] as my husband walked out the door to go to work, he bent over to give the girls kisses good-bye and Bunny turned her cheek and ran away in a huff. He said, "Papa's leaving. Can I have a kiss?" She replied, "No!" So he walked out the door. Well, of course, that set her off. "Waaaaah! I wanted to kiss, Papa!" I explained to her that Papa didn't want to be late for the bus, and that she had two chances to give him a kiss. We talked about why she was being so grouchy (she couldn't find her other shoe), and that if she needed something to "use her words." Next time, you bet she will give him that kiss." "You bet"? "You BET"? Just like that? "YOU BET"?

and this from Dr Benjamin Spock:

C. "Many children whine at only one parent, not both, although some are equal-opportunity whiners. In this case, whining often expresses not simply a habit or a mood in a child but also an attitude toward, or a slightly disturbed relationship with, that parent." "Disturbed relationship"? Between ME and MY MUNCHKIN?! You go to HELL! You GO to hell and you DIE, DR SPOCK!

1b. I already know whining is usually related to hunger or tiredness. We have practiced the "Avoidance Of Fun Things For Mommy To Do Because It Is The End Of The Day And Munchkin Is Tired And Won't Be Any Fun But If We Just Go Straight Home And Eat And Go To Sleep Everything Will Be Fine Although Boring" technique for years. As recommended by my still-beloved-though-a-little-less-so-than-last-week Dr Sears. This technique is starting to suck, because, hello, I have decided I would like to have a life now? Munchkin is five years old? I am not getting any younger? I am single? I need to get out of the house and make friends now? Okay, so example "A" above does not impress me. Tired children have tantrums. I know. Hungry children have tantrums. I know. (This is why the back seat of my beloved car is covered in crumbs. "Eat Cheerios and be happy, Child!") Example A, you are nothing to me. Thanks.

1c. Now, example "B": The whole "You created this situation when you..." and "Why do you think this happened..." and "How do you feel when blah blah blah..." does not work with Munchkin. I'm sorry. It doesn't. I laughed my ass off reading example "B". Munchkin is stubborn. She'd decide never to kiss Papa again. This is the girl who starves herself if you put the wrong plate of food in front of her. This is the girl who turned around, laughed, and claimed, "That didn't hurt!" when I once made an attempt at spanking. This is the girl who went all day long without using the restroom at her new school because she did not want to talk to the teacher to find out if she needed to ask permission to go--and continued holding it all day long for several days, until we asked for her. This is the girl whose halo is really, truly, held up by horns. She is going to rule the world someday. But first she is cutting her teeth on breaking me.

1d. And, Dr Spock, that was just mean.

1e. But I know I created this situation myself. Munchkin is a strong personality, but she is also my first child and therefore my experiment and I don't really have a mother and I don't actually know what the hell I'm doing and I know this is just a phase brought on by the finalization of the divorce and my dating and whatnot but still oh my god I just don't know what I'm doing and this is crazy and I should have done SO MANY THINGS differently with her and now I have to start being more firm with her to undo some things I unconsciously taught her she could get away with but this isn't even fair because it's all MY fault; children don't raise themselves and why did I think that just because she is a genius she would figure out socialization and respect all by herself...

2. She hates that I am dating. She hated when I was married to her own father and he and I would even dare try to hug each other. I dropped everything of myself for her. I did not want to be a selfish child-hater like my mother. I went overboard. I let the marriage suffer (although not me alone, by any stretch). I never went out. I never did anything except take care of her, and read, and play on the computer, and cook. This was wrong. I would not do this with a second child.

2b. But Munchkin caught me so off-guard! I love her so much! I want her to have everything! I want things to happen for her! ...But I didn't have to give up my Self for her. Shit, and now I want my Self back, and she thinks my Self belongs to her... Maybe I can sneeeak my Self out of her death-grip while she's sleeping one night...

3. But! Guess what! Whiny phase is normal! Spoiled children in this town are normal! Parents making mistakes is normal! I! AM! NOT! THE! ONLY! ONE!

4. Munchkin is an AWESOME kid. Honestly. She is SO GOOD at school. She is SO SMART. She is SO BEAUTIFUL.

5. But I think she's really pissed-off at me. She doesn't understand why I don't still love her daddy. She is afraid I will love my new beau more than her, though I've told her a hundred times that she will always be my Number One Girl. I love her to pieces.

5b. I wish I could find the right thing to say. We've been having so many Talks, and I just don't know if I'm getting through to her yet. Sigh...

5c. GAWD, I'm such a PANSY! My daughter's not even AFRAID of me!

Well, whatever. Look how big she is!

2006, 05/24 - Relationships

I am reading several books currently:

• The Successful Child: What Parents Can Do to Help Kids Turn Out Well by my beloved Dr William Sears (purchased this weekend)
• Everything Parent's Guide to the Strong-willed Child by...someone (Okay, so I haven't started this one yet--also purchased this weekend)
• Unequal Childhoods : Class, Race, and Family Life by Annette Lareau (Which, yes, I have totally been working on for over a year, but I like to read lots of books at once, and this one is always in the car instead of in front of my face on the coffee table, but I really like it...)
• Ten Great Works of Philosophy by Robert Paul Wolff (Umm... also permanently installed in the car...)
• Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, Freshly Updated by Judith Martin (I LOVE MISS MANNERS!)
• and much, much, more!

The last book I finished was Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho. It was "okay"; the ending was much too short.

Previous to that, I read The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. Loved it.

So, what's new with me?

• I am officially divorced.
• I am in an amazing relationship with a Brazilian musician. But it's too amazing. Can't possibly last.
• I cut my own hair on a whim last week, and it actually looks really good.
• My daughter hates me.

Munchkin! Is! Crying! And! Whining! All the time!

And she says I'm MEAN! And that she HATES me!

And she LIES!!!!!

And she told me she got in trouble at school this week! More than once! And she hit someone yesterday! But her teachers haven't said anything about it! And she's NEVER gotten in trouble at school before!

Suddenly I feel like I am in over my head.

Munchkin is frustrated and acting-out. We are going through a Very Difficult Phase. I am frustrated and acting-out myself. I am trying to be More Energetic. I am trying to be More Consistent. I am trying to be More Attentive. But, F*CK! She's still crying over every little thing! I SUCK!!!

But I've talked to my mommy-friends. I am not alone in dealing with whining, hitting, hating, and crying. So, a little relief there. But, GAWD, I want my sweet, cuddly, HAPPY girl back!

Before Munchkin was born, I read The Baby Book: Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby from Birth to Age Two by Dr Sears--COVER-TO-COVER. (Also The Complete Book of Breastfeeding by Marvin S. Eiger & Sally Wendkos Olds, but that's not what we're talking about today, although, by the way, YES, I totally recommend this book!) I LOVE The Baby Book, and I feel so secure in my parenting when I read it, because I did everything it said, and I did it well, and I had a PERFECT BABY and a PERFECT TODDLER. But that was when it was just me and Munchkin. Now we have Outside Influences, like peers and teachers and her own father...

MY POINT! I HAD A POINT!

In Dr Sears' The Successful Child, he states ten or so characteristics of a "successful" child. Top on the list was an ability to develop and maintain successful relationships.

I read what he had to say about this, and I looked up at the sky and sighed. Fuck. That's the part I skipped. I was more concerned with making sure she knew about Good Touch and Bad Touch and Remember You Don't Have To Hug Anyone If You Don't Want To Not Even Your Grandparents Who Just Bought You Everything You Even Glanced Near At The PX. I was more concerned with being There For Her than EVER getting out and developing a life of my own after we moved out of Texas. She's seen me with friends or family only a handful of times. She saw me in an unhappy marriage where there was very little affection. She saw me with my inlaws whom I wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole. She's seen me with my bosses with whom I try to maintain a distanced, professional relationship.

Munchkin and I are warm with each other. We share LOTS of hugs and cuddles. But I have not taught her to share her warmth with others. I have not shown her how I share warmth with others, because I haven't been sharing warmth with others.

I was taught the importance of Being Independent and Doing The Right Thing. I was either never taught or never really picked up on the lessons of Loving, Trusting, or Having Fun. I thought people were expendable.

I am learning some things about relationships and life and the world. And I am reading things that reinforce the truth of these new ideas. And I am having to look at changing some things about myself for happiness and growth. And I am having to teach Munchkin these things about relationships at the same time that I am learning them.

How fucking lucky is Munchkin that she will be learning these things at age five instead of twenty-five? How fucking jealous am I of my own daughter for having someone like ME as a mother? HEY, MUNCHKIN! I'LL TRADE YOU!

I started off the day feeling like a shitty mother. But it's going to get better. And it's going to be awesome. And we're going to be great. And we're going to be happy and healthy and make differences in the world.

Back to reading.

2006, 04/27 - SPRING!

Stop looking at me like that! It's SPRING! Who wants to be stuck indoors blogging? Or even READING blogs? Go outside and fall in love with something!

Munchkin-Approved:
Mas Que Nada - as performed by Roberto Gonçalves

2006, 04/11 - Apples

Mama: Well, if you don't do it, I'm gonna drink all this milk; how do ya like them apples?
Munchkin: What apples?
Mama: It's an expression.
Munchkin: I like apples!

2006, 04/04 - Music

Munchkin & Mama Overwhelmingly Approve:
Djobi Djoba - The Gipsy Kings

2006, 04/03 - Doctors

1. Oh, man! I'm hungry! Why did I let that munchkin have my breakfast?!
2. Yesterday, I found a tiny sampler bottle of Johnson & Johnson's Baby Wash in the medicine cabinet. As I recall, it was one of many items in our "goodie bag" from the hospital--along with some formula, which--okay, don't even get me started. Anyway, I remember the first week we had Munchkin home, and we were wondering when we needed to start washing her... The Baby Wash bottle didn't have any instructions on it, so I remember thinking, "Ok, is this soap that you rinse off, or is this some kind of baby astringent?" And I was very disappointed with the answer. Soap. Borrrrinnnng!
3. Munchkin had a sinus infection last month. And that was bad enough, but then just a week after she had finally recovered, she landed a whole new illness--this one with muscle aches, tummy ache, sore throat, congested cough, high fever. She didn't go to the doc for the sinus infection, but I took her in immediately for this thing, because I was thinking it might be Walking Pneumonia. She tested negative for Strep, so the doctor said it's "just some virus" (Wow, thanks, Doc!) and prescribed a precautionary antibiotic. (Now, I am majorly anti-medication and especially anti-antibiotics, but Munchkin's been sick for too long, and, for some reason, she just won't eat raw garlic.) So it's yummy strawberry-flavored Amoxicillin, which, I have discovered, is the SAME DAMN THING they prescribe for STREP. Why the phuck do we even test for strep if we're just gonna... I mean why even make this stuff prescription... I mean it's just... GAHHHH!
4. I've been two parts fortunate, half-a-part smart, and another half-a-part cautious: Munchkin almost never gets sick. She's had exactly three unwell doctor visits in her five years of life--and two of those were only since she started preschool this past fall. She's been on antibiotics three times now. The first time as a fetus when my stupid doctor put me on antibiotics for a UTI which turned out to actually be an allergic reaction to a new detergent (oh, THAT'S why the UTI tests were all negative! Huh!); the second time this past fall for a possible UTI, which turned out not to be one; and then now for "just some virus".
5. This is the last time. No more doctor visits and no more antibiotics. Both these last two visits were me being paranoid because I've had such great luck with Munchkin's health that I figured our winning streak must be about over. Well, it's not. My kid is healthy, and doctors suck.
6. Except for dentists. It's definitely time for us to schedule another one of those visits.

2006, 03/21 - Music

Munchkin-Approved:
Mariposa Traicionera - Maná

2006, 03/20 - Our Speed

Friday: Munchkin & I went shopping for clothes. (Mommy has new shoes! Yay! Happy Mommy!) Munchkin was in a great mood, and she was hilarious. (Not that I'm partial or anything.) She was trying out new vocabulary words on me--continually catching me off-guard and amusing us both. The highlight of the night was when she made me sit on the floor and be her audience as she gave a show in the middle of a store, singing and dancing her little heart out. She's usually painfully shy, so when she actually musters up the courage to be herself in public, I encourage it, as long as it's not bothering anyone.

Munchkin's greatest loves are singing and dancing, and her first ballet recital is later this summer... She's excited about dancing on the stage; I'm terrified she'll develop stage-fright and the experience will be ruined for her. Ahh, motherly anxiety...

Saturday: Munchkin & I attended a birthday party at a place called Pump It Up. This place is insane. Okay? Insane. Might be good for, like, thirty-year-olds, but my little preschooler and I were SO overwhelmed. Munchkin couldn't climb some of the things herself and would not accept help from anyone except me or another little girl. So I, being Super Mom, in my silky skirt and prissy thigh-highs complete with garter belt (panty hose suck, ok?), had to help her through the obstacle-tunnel and then go down the gigantic slide with her. (Luckily, she was sitting in my lap, so HOPEFULLY my skirt did not fly up too far. At the least, I have not yet come across any incriminating photographs.) The slide was terrifying; I refused to do it again. (Literally, it was terrifying, but, if anyone asks, I was simply upset about the amount of static introduced to my skirt, 'k?) Munchkin tried the slide again, this time by herself, but she cried afterward. And who can blame her? It was scary! Then she wanted to try the other giant slide, but when she got to the top, she chickened out and started crying. I had told her I wouldn't go down any more slides, and I held firm. (For heaven's sake, my bosses were there!) So one of the workers slid down with her. She cried. Then she wanted to try it again. Got to the top and started crying. Again. Everyone else left to have cake, and I was stuck alone in the room with the giant slide and a crying Munchkin screaming at me from the top. I climbed up to get her down, and she grabbed my hand and tried to pull me down the slide with her. She ended up letting go voluntarily and sliding herself, only to cry again when she reached the bottom. I climbed back down to console her. She wanted to go up again! (Why? Haven't fulfilled your tear-quota?) But our group's turn in the room was over, so I couldn't let her go up again and test herself. Really too bad. :(

So I am never going to that place again. Ever. With a skirt on. Ever. While my bosses are there with cameras. Never. Okay, thanks; I just needed to get that out.

Afterward, we were both drained. D-R-A-I-N-E-D. But we bucked-up, procured Munchkin's bicycle from her grandparents' house, and spent some time hanging out at a local playground. THAT is much more our speed.

Munchkin's dad has a sinus infection, so, after the park, we bought some groceries and went to his place and made him some chicken noodle soup. (And I swiped back all of my STUFF that he's been forgetting to return. Bastid!) While we were there, I got to watch television! Wow! TV! And, you know what? There was nothing on. Nothing. At all. My wallet and I felt so validated!

Sunday: We did nothing. Also very much our speed. ;)

2006, 03/09 - My Kid :)

2006, 03/04 - Quotes

1) We watched & sang & danced to "Singin' in the Rain" almost every night this week and several times this morning. It went back to the video store today, and when we got back home, we didn't quite know what to do with ourselves. We kept singing snippets to each other but weren't able to pop in the dvd for reference.

Mama: [perched on the edge of the couch, eyes sweeping the room] What are we going to do now, without "Singin' in the Rain"?
Munchkin: I don't know!
Mama: [sigh]
Munchkin: I miss it!
Mama: Me, too!
[dramatic sobbing, gnashing of teeth, etc, ok, not really]


2) Very cool Munchkin-quote, to a bossy classmate: "Just go do it yourself."

2b) It has come out that Munchkin, though shy, is no pushover with her classmates. She is occasionally bossy herself, and often assertive. When she's not sure, she just plays by herself.

2c) I am pleased to see that her natural personality ("choleric," ref: http://oneishy.com/personality/choleric_strengths.php) comes through in spite of her over-protected only-child shyness.

2d) My response to Munchkin's "very cool" quote: YOU GO, GIRL!


3) Random Munchkin-quote: "You're gonna be so excited, your foot's gonna blow off!"

Blogrolling.com

Hey, kids:

I don't post here often because I want to be careful not to give too many details about my kiddo.

For those of you who've been checking in multiple times daily (you flatter us), I recommend signing up with http://blogrolling.com/. It'll let you know when the blogs you list have been updated. (As long as they have enabled RSS-aggravatorialgravitygravydestabilizators--which I have.)

2006, 02/27 - Reese's

1. Turn off your computer and RUN/SPRINT/FLEE/FLY/SCRAMBLE to your local grocery store. The candy section. Find it! Hurry! Now, look for a yellow box or bag bearing the words: "Reese's Pieces GONE NUTS: PEANUTS and peanut butter!" If you cannot find this candy, track down the store manager and MUTILATE him/her!

1b. REESE'S PIECES WITH PEANUTS! O!M!G!

1c. Someone brought two boxes to work and left them in the snack room. Usually this means they are for general consumption, but I didn't bother to double-check. Those boxes are mine. And if more show up, they will be mine, too.

1d. And if I were an airport screener, I would allow you into the terminal with your handgun if you offered me a box of this candy.

2. I painted all weekend long. I hadn't painted in eons. Eons of eons. And you know what?

2b. Painting is like crack-cocaine.

2c. Actually, CREATING is like crack-cocaine. Any chance I get to CREATE something lately, I run with it. Painting, learning guitar, writing, trying a new recipe, whatever. I am enjoying CREATING as if it were sex. And creating via sex is fun, too, but that's not where I'm at right now.

3. Munchkin and I watched "Singin' in the Rain" about 50 times this weekend. We still like "An American in Paris" better, but... The first time you watch "Singin' in the Rain", you think, "Gawd, how corny!" Only, it gets better and better with every viewing, so that by the 30th viewing, you're ready to build a time machine so you can go back and have Gene Kelly's babies.

4. I'm not going to take a vow of celibacy or anything, but I am really enjoying my independence lately. Really, really, really.

5. My sinus infection is getting better, but Munchkin's is not. And her dad keeps giving her sugar, which only makes it worse. So I guess he can pay the doctor's bill.

5b. Munchkin also seems to be developing cavities. WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?

5c. PoorMunchkin. :(

5d. But she's doing spectacularly at school. She's beginning to get past her shyness and really make friends. ...I am swelling with a mixture of pride and relief.

5e. Children. Are. Spectacular.