Sunday, December 03, 2006

4 Wedding Pics

Hey, that back-of-the-head looks familiar!

It's PUNKYYYY! I'm making that face because the photographer wouldn't take the pic of me planting a giant smooch on her cheek. Denied.

Mommy & Baby

Candid photography!
Thank you, photographer! Thank you, Munchkin! Thank you muito, Punky! And thank you, dude-who-married-me! MWAH!

Friday, December 01, 2006

2006, 12/01 - Hi!

Where have we BEEN?!


First, there was: the standard amount of cuteness you have come to expect from the Munchkin.

Then, a house was purchased, and walls were painted green. (Sorry, no pic.)

Then, there was a wedding!

And a flowergirl!

Then, there was a honeymoon. (Also no pics.)

And, most recently, there was a first-ever major haircut.

Followed by a donation to Locks of Love.

And then I didn't know where to find the USB cord to my digital camera for a really long time. And then I found it when I was actually left alone one night because the husband had a late gig and I can't stay up late anymore because my body can't handle it because it is working over-time to incubate a new little munchkin. And that's how you have new pics today, and that's pretty much it for the update!

But also:

Munchkin: [enters room, arms outstretched] "Iiiiit's MEEE, you ollld poop!"
[quoting Katharine Hepburn's character in "On Golden Pond", thank you very much, yes, she's adorable, and I will be keeping her.]

Monday, June 12, 2006

2006, 06/12 - Baby's First Recital!

She loved it! She wants to do more recitals! Every day!

Tap costume

Ballet costume

Ready to go on-stage for rehearsal

Caption: The recital!

Better caption: Me, excitedly recording a moment I would 10 minutes later accidentally delete--causing massive and life-long self-hatred.

But at least I recorded the rehearsal--although not with my fancy, brand-new, expensive, bought-just-for-this-recital camcorder.

And I did successfully record her ballet performance--only lost the tap. Still...GOD!
Hate! Self!

Me, excitedly recording a moment I will NEVER EVER EVER delete.

Need to make copies. Lots and lots of copies. And hide them. In a vault. Away from stupid me!

Thursday, June 01, 2006

2006, 06/01 - Simma down nah!

  1. I have vanilla nut coffee and several kinds of muffins and two giant croissants. HAPPY!
  2. SO! HAPPY!

Decided last night that:

  1. Munchkin is too bossy.
  2. This is my fault, because I've always thought the bossiness was cute.
  3. The bossiness is sometimes very cute--because she's just like ME!
  4. But the bossiness is no longer cute now that [drumroll for last night's epiphany]: For probably the first time ever, Munchkin and I do not actually want the same things. We're both growing up, and a little bit apart, but in a normal way. And it's hard. She's my BABY and I want her to STAY my baby. And she kinda wants to stay my baby, too. (aww) So we're both trying to boss each other into playing along with our own plans. Kinda funny, in a way.
  5. But now it's time for me to really learn how to assert my motherly authority.
  6. I guess.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

2006, 05/31 - Us So Far

2006, 05/31 - Blathering

1) Don't even bother trying to Google "preschooler tantrums" or "preschooler whining". Just don't. Because this is what you get:

A. "The other night, Bunny was being rambunctious, throwing things around her bedroom while I was trying to get the girls ready for bed. I warned her that if she kept it up she would not be allowed to bake cookies with me once my toddler was asleep. She then picked up a tube of diaper cream, and when I asked her for it, she threw it at me (so tired of the throwing!). It hit my toddler in the face making her hysterical. I sent Bunny to her room, told her she wasn't baking cookies, and that was that. When I went to check on her 10 minutes later, she was asleep." Oh, she fell asleep! Great! That solves everything! "Hey, Munchkin! Stop whining! Go to sleep! Need help? Here's some vodka!"


B. "[Another morning,] as my husband walked out the door to go to work, he bent over to give the girls kisses good-bye and Bunny turned her cheek and ran away in a huff. He said, "Papa's leaving. Can I have a kiss?" She replied, "No!" So he walked out the door. Well, of course, that set her off. "Waaaaah! I wanted to kiss, Papa!" I explained to her that Papa didn't want to be late for the bus, and that she had two chances to give him a kiss. We talked about why she was being so grouchy (she couldn't find her other shoe), and that if she needed something to "use her words." Next time, you bet she will give him that kiss." "You bet"? "You BET"? Just like that? "YOU BET"?

and this from Dr Benjamin Spock:

C. "Many children whine at only one parent, not both, although some are equal-opportunity whiners. In this case, whining often expresses not simply a habit or a mood in a child but also an attitude toward, or a slightly disturbed relationship with, that parent." "Disturbed relationship"? Between ME and MY MUNCHKIN?! You go to HELL! You GO to hell and you DIE, DR SPOCK!

1b. I already know whining is usually related to hunger or tiredness. We have practiced the "Avoidance Of Fun Things For Mommy To Do Because It Is The End Of The Day And Munchkin Is Tired And Won't Be Any Fun But If We Just Go Straight Home And Eat And Go To Sleep Everything Will Be Fine Although Boring" technique for years. As recommended by my still-beloved-though-a-little-less-so-than-last-week Dr Sears. This technique is starting to suck, because, hello, I have decided I would like to have a life now? Munchkin is five years old? I am not getting any younger? I am single? I need to get out of the house and make friends now? Okay, so example "A" above does not impress me. Tired children have tantrums. I know. Hungry children have tantrums. I know. (This is why the back seat of my beloved car is covered in crumbs. "Eat Cheerios and be happy, Child!") Example A, you are nothing to me. Thanks.

1c. Now, example "B": The whole "You created this situation when you..." and "Why do you think this happened..." and "How do you feel when blah blah blah..." does not work with Munchkin. I'm sorry. It doesn't. I laughed my ass off reading example "B". Munchkin is stubborn. She'd decide never to kiss Papa again. This is the girl who starves herself if you put the wrong plate of food in front of her. This is the girl who turned around, laughed, and claimed, "That didn't hurt!" when I once made an attempt at spanking. This is the girl who went all day long without using the restroom at her new school because she did not want to talk to the teacher to find out if she needed to ask permission to go--and continued holding it all day long for several days, until we asked for her. This is the girl whose halo is really, truly, held up by horns. She is going to rule the world someday. But first she is cutting her teeth on breaking me.

1d. And, Dr Spock, that was just mean.

1e. But I know I created this situation myself. Munchkin is a strong personality, but she is also my first child and therefore my experiment and I don't really have a mother and I don't actually know what the hell I'm doing and I know this is just a phase brought on by the finalization of the divorce and my dating and whatnot but still oh my god I just don't know what I'm doing and this is crazy and I should have done SO MANY THINGS differently with her and now I have to start being more firm with her to undo some things I unconsciously taught her she could get away with but this isn't even fair because it's all MY fault; children don't raise themselves and why did I think that just because she is a genius she would figure out socialization and respect all by herself...

2. She hates that I am dating. She hated when I was married to her own father and he and I would even dare try to hug each other. I dropped everything of myself for her. I did not want to be a selfish child-hater like my mother. I went overboard. I let the marriage suffer (although not me alone, by any stretch). I never went out. I never did anything except take care of her, and read, and play on the computer, and cook. This was wrong. I would not do this with a second child.

2b. But Munchkin caught me so off-guard! I love her so much! I want her to have everything! I want things to happen for her! ...But I didn't have to give up my Self for her. Shit, and now I want my Self back, and she thinks my Self belongs to her... Maybe I can sneeeak my Self out of her death-grip while she's sleeping one night...

3. But! Guess what! Whiny phase is normal! Spoiled children in this town are normal! Parents making mistakes is normal! I! AM! NOT! THE! ONLY! ONE!

4. Munchkin is an AWESOME kid. Honestly. She is SO GOOD at school. She is SO SMART. She is SO BEAUTIFUL.

5. But I think she's really pissed-off at me. She doesn't understand why I don't still love her daddy. She is afraid I will love my new beau more than her, though I've told her a hundred times that she will always be my Number One Girl. I love her to pieces.

5b. I wish I could find the right thing to say. We've been having so many Talks, and I just don't know if I'm getting through to her yet. Sigh...

5c. GAWD, I'm such a PANSY! My daughter's not even AFRAID of me!

Well, whatever. Look how big she is!

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

2006, 05/24 - Relationships

I am reading several books currently:

The last book I finished was Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho. It was "okay"; the ending was much too short.

Previous to that, I read The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. Loved it.

So, what's new with me?

  • I am officially divorced.
  • I am in an amazing relationship with a Brazilian musician. But it's too amazing. Can't possibly last.
  • I cut my own hair on a whim last week, and it actually looks really good.
  • My daughter hates me.

Munchkin! Is! Crying! And! Whining! All the time!

And she says I'm MEAN! And that she HATES me!

And she LIES!!!!!

And she told me she got in trouble at school this week! More than once! And she hit someone yesterday! But her teachers haven't said anything about it! And she's NEVER gotten in trouble at school before!

Suddenly I feel like I am in over my head.

Munchkin is frustrated and acting-out. We are going through a Very Difficult Phase. I am frustrated and acting-out myself. I am trying to be More Energetic. I am trying to be More Consistent. I am trying to be More Attentive. But, F*CK! She's still crying over every little thing! I SUCK!!!

But I've talked to my mommy-friends. I am not alone in dealing with whining, hitting, hating, and crying. So, a little relief there. But, GAWD, I want my sweet, cuddly, HAPPY girl back!

Before Munchkin was born, I read The Baby Book: Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby from Birth to Age Two by Dr Sears--COVER-TO-COVER. (Also The Complete Book of Breastfeeding by Marvin S. Eiger & Sally Wendkos Olds, but that's not what we're talking about today, although, by the way, YES, I totally recommend this book!) I LOVE The Baby Book, and I feel so secure in my parenting when I read it, because I did everything it said, and I did it well, and I had a PERFECT BABY and a PERFECT TODDLER. But that was when it was just me and Munchkin. Now we have Outside Influences, like peers and teachers and her own father...


In Dr Sears' The Successful Child, he states ten or so characteristics of a "successful" child. Top on the list was an ability to develop and maintain successful relationships.

I read what he had to say about this, and I looked up at the sky and sighed. Fuck. That's the part I skipped. I was more concerned with making sure she knew about Good Touch and Bad Touch and Remember You Don't Have To Hug Anyone If You Don't Want To Not Even Your Grandparents Who Just Bought You Everything You Even Glanced Near At The PX. I was more concerned with being There For Her than EVER getting out and developing a life of my own after we moved out of Texas. She's seen me with friends or family only a handful of times. She saw me in an unhappy marriage where there was very little affection. She saw me with my inlaws whom I wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole. She's seen me with my bosses with whom I try to maintain a distanced, professional relationship.

Munchkin and I are warm with each other. We share LOTS of hugs and cuddles. But I have not taught her to share her warmth with others. I have not shown her how I share warmth with others, because I haven't been sharing warmth with others.

I was taught the importance of Being Independent and Doing The Right Thing. I was either never taught or never really picked up on the lessons of Loving, Trusting, or Having Fun. I thought people were expendable.

I am learning some things about relationships and life and the world. And I am reading things that reinforce the truth of these new ideas. And I am having to look at changing some things about myself for happiness and growth. And I am having to teach Munchkin these things about relationships at the same time that I am learning them.

How fucking lucky is Munchkin that she will be learning these things at age five instead of twenty-five? How fucking jealous am I of my own daughter for having someone like ME as a mother? HEY, MUNCHKIN! I'LL TRADE YOU!

I started off the day feeling like a shitty mother. But it's going to get better. And it's going to be awesome. And we're going to be great. And we're going to be happy and healthy and make differences in the world.

Back to reading.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

2006, 04/27 - SPRING!

Stop looking at me like that! It's SPRING! Who wants to be stuck indoors blogging? Or even READING blogs? Go outside and fall in love with something!

Mas Que Nada - as performed by Roberto Gonçalves

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

2006, 04/11 - Apples

Mama: Well, if you don't do it, I'm gonna drink all this milk; how do ya like them apples?
Munchkin: What apples?
Mama: It's an expression.
Munchkin: I like apples!

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

2006, 04/04 - Music

Munchkin & Mama Overwhelmingly Approve:
Djobi Djoba - The Gipsy Kings

Monday, April 03, 2006

2006, 04/03 - Doctors

  1. Oh, man! I'm hungry! Why did I let that munchkin have my breakfast?!
  2. Yesterday, I found a tiny sampler bottle of Johnson & Johnson's Baby Wash in the medicine cabinet. As I recall, it was one of many items in our "goodie bag" from the hospital--along with some formula, which--okay, don't even get me started. Anyway, I remember the first week we had Munchkin home, and we were wondering when we needed to start washing her... The Baby Wash bottle didn't have any instructions on it, so I remember thinking, "Ok, is this soap that you rinse off, or is this some kind of baby astringent?" And I was very disappointed with the answer. Soap. Borrrrinnnng!
  3. Munchkin had a sinus infection last month. And that was bad enough, but then just a week after she had finally recovered, she landed a whole new illness--this one with muscle aches, tummy ache, sore throat, congested cough, high fever. She didn't go to the doc for the sinus infection, but I took her in immediately for this thing, because I was thinking it might be Walking Pneumonia. She tested negative for Strep, so the doctor said it's "just some virus" (Wow, thanks, Doc!) and prescribed a precautionary antibiotic. (Now, I am majorly anti-medication and especially anti-antibiotics, but Munchkin's been sick for too long, and, for some reason, she just won't eat raw garlic.) So it's yummy strawberry-flavored Amoxicillin, which, I have discovered, is the SAME DAMN THING they prescribe for STREP. Why the phuck do we even test for strep if we're just gonna... I mean why even make this stuff prescription... I mean it's just... GAHHHH!
  4. I've been two parts fortunate, half-a-part smart, and another half-a-part cautious: Munchkin almost never gets sick. She's had exactly three unwell doctor visits in her five years of life--and two of those were only since she started preschool this past fall. She's been on antibiotics three times now. The first time as a fetus when my stupid doctor put me on antibiotics for a UTI which turned out to actually be an allergic reaction to a new detergent (oh, THAT'S why the UTI tests were all negative! Huh!); the second time this past fall for a possible UTI, which turned out not to be one; and then now for "just some virus".
  5. This is the last time. No more doctor visits and no more antibiotics. Both these last two visits were me being paranoid because I've had such great luck with Munchkin's health that I figured our winning streak must be about over. Well, it's not. My kid is healthy, and doctors suck.
  6. Except for dentists. It's definitely time for us to schedule another one of those visits.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

2006, 03/21 - Music

Mariposa Traicionera - Maná

Monday, March 20, 2006

2006, 03/20 - Our Speed

Friday: Munchkin & I went shopping for clothes. (Mommy has new shoes! Yay! Happy Mommy!) Munchkin was in a great mood, and she was hilarious. (Not that I'm partial or anything.) She was trying out new vocabulary words on me--continually catching me off-guard and amusing us both. The highlight of the night was when she made me sit on the floor and be her audience as she gave a show in the middle of a store, singing and dancing her little heart out. She's usually painfully shy, so when she actually musters up the courage to be herself in public, I encourage it, as long as it's not bothering anyone.

Munchkin's greatest loves are singing and dancing, and her first ballet recital is later this summer... She's excited about dancing on the stage; I'm terrified she'll develop stage-fright and the experience will be ruined for her. Ahh, motherly anxiety...

Saturday: Munchkin & I attended a birthday party at a place called Pump It Up. This place is insane. Okay? Insane. Might be good for, like, thirty-year-olds, but my little preschooler and I were SO overwhelmed. Munchkin couldn't climb some of the things herself and would not accept help from anyone except me or another little girl. So I, being Super Mom, in my silky skirt and prissy thigh-highs complete with garter belt (panty hose suck, ok?), had to help her through the obstacle-tunnel and then go down the gigantic slide with her. (Luckily, she was sitting in my lap, so HOPEFULLY my skirt did not fly up too far. At the least, I have not yet come across any incriminating photographs.) The slide was terrifying; I refused to do it again. (Literally, it was terrifying, but, if anyone asks, I was simply upset about the amount of static introduced to my skirt, 'k?) Munchkin tried the slide again, this time by herself, but she cried afterward. And who can blame her? It was scary! Then she wanted to try the other giant slide, but when she got to the top, she chickened out and started crying. I had told her I wouldn't go down any more slides, and I held firm. (For heaven's sake, my bosses were there!) So one of the workers slid down with her. She cried. Then she wanted to try it again. Got to the top and started crying. Again. Everyone else left to have cake, and I was stuck alone in the room with the giant slide and a crying Munchkin screaming at me from the top. I climbed up to get her down, and she grabbed my hand and tried to pull me down the slide with her. She ended up letting go voluntarily and sliding herself, only to cry again when she reached the bottom. I climbed back down to console her. She wanted to go up again! (Why? Haven't fulfilled your tear-quota?) But our group's turn in the room was over, so I couldn't let her go up again and test herself. Really too bad. :(

So I am never going to that place again. Ever. With a skirt on. Ever. While my bosses are there with cameras. Never. Okay, thanks; I just needed to get that out.

Afterward, we were both drained. D-R-A-I-N-E-D. But we bucked-up, procured Munchkin's bicycle from her grandparents' house, and spent some time hanging out at a local playground. THAT is much more our speed.

Munchkin's dad has a sinus infection, so, after the park, we bought some groceries and went to his place and made him some chicken noodle soup. (And I swiped back all of my STUFF that he's been forgetting to return. Bastid!) While we were there, I got to watch television! Wow! TV! And, you know what? There was nothing on. Nothing. At all. My wallet and I felt so validated!

Sunday: We did nothing. Also very much our speed. ;)

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Saturday, March 04, 2006

2006, 03/04 - Quotes

1) We watched & sang & danced to "Singin' in the Rain" almost every night this week and several times this morning. It went back to the video store today, and when we got back home, we didn't quite know what to do with ourselves. We kept singing snippets to each other but weren't able to pop in the dvd for reference.

Mama: [perched on the edge of the couch, eyes sweeping the room] What are we going to do now, without "Singin' in the Rain"?
Munchkin: I don't know!
Mama: [sigh]
Munchkin: I miss it!
Mama: Me, too!
[dramatic sobbing, gnashing of teeth, etc, ok, not really]

2) Very cool Munchkin-quote, to a bossy classmate: "Just go do it yourself."

2b) It has come out that Munchkin, though shy, is no pushover with her classmates. She is occasionally bossy herself, and often assertive. When she's not sure, she just plays by herself.

2c) I am pleased to see that her natural personality ("choleric," ref: comes through in spite of her over-protected only-child shyness.

2d) My response to Munchkin's "very cool" quote: YOU GO, GIRL!

3) Random Munchkin-quote: "You're gonna be so excited, your foot's gonna blow off!"

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Hey, kids:

I don't post here often because I want to be careful not to give too many details about my kiddo.

For those of you who've been checking in multiple times daily (you flatter us), I recommend signing up with It'll let you know when the blogs you list have been updated. (As long as they have enabled RSS-aggravatorialgravitygravydestabilizators--which I have.)

Monday, February 27, 2006

2006, 02/27 - Reese's

1. Turn off your computer and RUN/SPRINT/FLEE/FLY/SCRAMBLE to your local grocery store. The candy section. Find it! Hurry! Now, look for a yellow box or bag bearing the words: "Reese's Pieces GONE NUTS: PEANUTS and peanut butter!" If you cannot find this candy, track down the store manager and MUTILATE him/her!


1c. Someone brought two boxes to work and left them in the snack room. Usually this means they are for general consumption, but I didn't bother to double-check. Those boxes are mine. And if more show up, they will be mine, too.

1d. And if I were an airport screener, I would allow you into the terminal with your handgun if you offered me a box of this candy.

2. I painted all weekend long. I hadn't painted in eons. Eons of eons. And you know what?

2b. Painting is like crack-cocaine.

2c. Actually, CREATING is like crack-cocaine. Any chance I get to CREATE something lately, I run with it. Painting, learning guitar, writing, trying a new recipe, whatever. I am enjoying CREATING as if it were sex. And creating via sex is fun, too, but that's not where I'm at right now.

3. Munchkin and I watched "Singin' in the Rain" about 50 times this weekend. We still like "An American in Paris" better, but... The first time you watch "Singin' in the Rain", you think, "Gawd, how corny!" Only, it gets better and better with every viewing, so that by the 30th viewing, you're ready to build a time machine so you can go back and have Gene Kelly's babies.

4. I'm not going to take a vow of celibacy or anything, but I am really enjoying my independence lately. Really, really, really.

5. My sinus infection is getting better, but Munchkin's is not. And her dad keeps giving her sugar, which only makes it worse. So I guess he can pay the doctor's bill.

5b. Munchkin also seems to be developing cavities. WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?

5c. PoorMunchkin. :(

5d. But she's doing spectacularly at school. She's beginning to get past her shyness and really make friends. ...I am swelling with a mixture of pride and relief.

5e. Children. Are. Spectacular.

Friday, February 24, 2006

2006, 02/24 - Friday!


Meaning I haven't seen my baby in person in TWO DAYS, and I miss her, and I get to see her as soon as this foolishly long work-day ends!

We've nearly worn-out our copy of "An American in Paris," so, tonight, I think we shall rent "Singin' in the Rain."

And, if someone could direct me on proper punctuation usage inside and around quotation marks, that would be great. They stop teaching grammar and punctuation after sixth grade, you know.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

2006, 02/19 - Gene

Mildly Alarming Munchkin Quote of the Day:

"Gene Kelly is sexy!"

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

2006, 02/14 - Crappie Update

Pseudo-Update: I have been back to the grocery store at least three times already, and "CRAPPIE" Magazine has been nowhere to be seen.

2006, 02/14 - Baby

Four is a really difficult age. Four is Independence. Four is Entitlement. Four is Gimme, Gimme, Gimme.

There are episodes where Munchkin makes a request which must be denied, and her immediate response is to begin bawling or yelling. This only makes the denial more firm. A calm and considerate "Oh, please, Mommy?" would at least get a moment's consideration. The diva hissy fit of "PLEASE, PLEAAAAAASE!! YOU NEVER LET ME DO WHAT I WANT!" wins nothing but a Time-Out, and perhaps loss of a priviledge. It's getting repetitive. Can we move on to age five and be done with this lesson, please?

Of course there are good points to this age as well. Munchkin can do so many things by herself now. She can make her own peanut butter sandwich from start to clean-up. She can help with chores. She can wash herself. She can pick out her own clothes, dress herself, and come out looking completely coordinated. She can dig through her toybox without tossing toys everywhere. She can put things back where they belong. She can help me remember things.

And there are things, simply in her nature, that she has always been able to do, still does, and, most likely, will always be able to do. She has always been able to make me laugh. She has always been able to work a remote control (almost always!). She has always been ticklish. She has always been able to sing. She has always been able to dance. She still experiences the joy of simply being alive.

My four-year-old is still my baby, and she still lets me call her "my baby." She still loves to be held close and rocked. This is what we did tonight at bedtime. I held her in my arms and I rocked her. She leaned against me and smiled.

I sang the song/chant I made up for her when she was less than a week old. No one but us knows this song.

I watched her face in the dark. Same big, sparkling eyes, same eyelashes, same color hair, same eyebrows, same lips as when she was a baby. For a fleeting moment, she was that baby again. She is that baby. With the chunky thighs, chubby cheeks, pudgy fingers, huge cloth diaper. Look how big that baby is now. Her legs have stretched. Her hair is thick and long. Her ears have clogged (ha ha). She wears almost my same size hat--not the tiny, pink, stretchy, cotton caps anymore.

We've grown together.

When she was born, she and I had almost the same length of hair. We've grown our hair out together.

We're both different people now. We are both more mature. The love has not changed. It is full and constant. We make adjustments in ourselves--consciously on my part, less-so on her part--for each other.

I'll never be perfect. And she'll never be Sara Crewe from "A Little Princess." She is Munchkin. She is herself. She is perfectly herself.

I was once her. I was once a baby with chunky thighs, chubby cheeks, pudgy fingers. I had the same big, sparkling eyes and the same shaped eyebrows. Maybe I am perfectly myself, too.

Friday, February 10, 2006

2006, 02/10 - "Love Stories"

1. Munchkin stays with her dad most Wednesday and Thursday nights, as well as every other Saturday. Every Friday when I see her again, she seems to have grown an inch.

2. I had a song in my head. I did not sing it out loud. Out of the blue, Munchkin started singing it. We thought that was cool.

2b. The song, by the way, was "Skin Is, My" by Andrew Bird. A song that makes no sense.

3. HELPFUL HINT: When you have a cold, you may not be able to smell things. So when you buy a new jar of minced garlic, and you can't smell it, please don't assume you chose a lame brand and proceed to smother extra garlic on your sandwich. Especially because garlic will make your cold go away, and then you'll be able to smell everything.

4. This site doesn't have to be all about Munchkin-conversations, does it? Mommies have lives apart from their children, sometimes, right? So who wants to read my love story? Great! Here ya go:

Last night, right after work, I headed to the grocery store, where I was able to observe a rather nice-looking guy--no wedding ring, definitely mid-forties, in good shape, wearing business slacks and a white collared shirt with the sleeves rolled up. I ended up behind him in the check-out line. He was looking at me, but I couldn't really see him because the sun was directly in my eyes. (Stupid, west-facing, glass-walled grocery store!--Although, with all that light shining directly at me, I probably appeared to be a red-headed 10-items-or-less-purchasing ANGEL!) I had to turn my face away from the sun, and, as I did, I caught sight of a magazine titled "CRAPPIE". It was a fishing magazine with really dopey-looking guys in a boat on the cover. I wondered if it was real, because it was next to all the feminine magazines, and this was so funny to me that I started smiling, and couldn't stop, and I looked like an idiot. But I was a happy idiot, right?

In an effort to stop smiling, I turned around and started looking at the nice-looking guy's purchases while I waited for free counter space. I decided he was definitely a recently-divorced bachelor; he was buying beer, donuts, some other stuff, and--*gasp*--the same brand of baby spinach leaves as I had in my hand! When I set my stuff on the counter, I knew he saw my spinach leaves, too. [He was definitely watching me, and I didn't even have ketchup on my face or anything! (I know, cuz I checked when I got home.)] We were ANONYMOUS SPINACH BUDDIES! HAWT! I wanted to comment, but I'm still sick and my throat was really dry; my voice has been coming and going randomly. So I remained silent. Silent and smiling about CRAPPIE Magazine--and smiling about smiling about CRAPPIE Magazine.

Anyway, he paid and left, then I paid and left. I saw him in the parking lot as I came out, putting away his grocery cart. He paused, looking in my direction. We were now too far apart for me to nonchalantly speak to him, so I just smiled and headed to my car. I managed to get out of the parking lot two cars ahead of him, and I saw that he had a little [secret color] car TOO! We were Anonymous Spinach Buddies AND Little [secret color] Car Pals!! Then we lost each other. It was over. *sob*

4b. Love Story #2: There was a really hot guy in the office today. REALLY hot. (Married, too! The bastard!) But SO HOT. HOTTTTTT. As I put in an email to Punky today:

He's HERE!
Omg, still hot. Really hot. Damn hot. *thumping foot* *droooooling*

Sunday, January 29, 2006

2006, 01/29 - Crack Whores and Cheese

Munchkin: I'd like some more crackers, please.
Mama: Ok.
Munchkin: [singing mindlessly] Crackers and cheese... crack-hors and cheeeese... crack-hors and cheeeeeese...
Mama: Crack-ERS!
Munchkin: [continuing] Crack whores and cheeeese...
Mama: Stop saying that!
Munchkin: [looking at Mama funny]

Thursday, January 26, 2006

2006, 01/26 - Music

Munchkin-Approved: My Blue Heaven - Harry Connick, Jr

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

2006, 01/25 - Divorce, Death, Boogerheadedness

Munchkin Initially Rejected:
For Once In My Life - Harry Connick, Jr
Munchkin Approved After Much Mommy-Peer-Pressure:
For Once In My Life - Harry Connick, Jr

Munchkin: What if Daddy gets married and I don't like the new mommy?
Mama: Don't worry; Daddy would never marry someone you didn't like. And anyway, I'll always be your super best number one mommy, and I'll always be here to take care of you.
Munchkin: Step-mommy?
Mama: No, I'll always be your number one mommy, because you came from my tummy.
Munchkin: You won't be my mommy after you die!
Mama: Yes, I will always be your mommy. After I die, I will still be your mommy. I won't be here, but you'll feel me in your heart.
Munchkin: [with a mischievous gleam in her eye] What do you mean? Does that mean you'll be beating on my heart and scratching it?

Saturday, January 21, 2006

2006, 01/20 - Booger Hat

We like to make impromptu recordings on my cell phone; here's a transcript of the latest:

Munchkin: I'm wearing a booger-hat here, you've noticed.
Mommy: Yes, I have noticed your booger-hat! It's lovely; where did you get it?
Munchkin: I got it from my mommy and my daddy.
Mommy: Oh, where did they get it from?
Munchkin: My mommy and daddy got it from their nose.

2006, 01/19 - Mommy Met Dave Barry

Munchkin: Ew, that's disgusting! Why did he hug you? You don't even know him; he's not your friend!
Mommy: He's very nice! And I know of him; he's very famous!
Munchkin: What do you mean?
Mommy: He's famous; a lot of people know him!
Munchkin: Well of course a lot of people know him! I know [about] him, too! A lot of people know ME, too; I go to preschool! And everybody knows me there! Everybody knows everybody; we'll ALL be famous!

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

2006, 01/10 - Music

Munchkin (and Mama)-Approved:
Wonderboy - Tenacious D

Mama singing "Wonderboy" over and over and over again, and then singing it some more

Musicology - Prince (he's back to that now, right?)

Copacabana - Barry Mani-NO! (I'd never heard it all the way through, so we gave it a listen; with NO prompting from me, she insisted the song be stopped right away. 'So proud!)

Monday, January 09, 2006

2006, 01/09 - Music

Feel Good - Gorillaz
King Tut - Steve Martin
Mellow Yellow - Donovan

Friday, January 06, 2006

2006, 01/06b - Weird Al

Do you remember "The Weird Al Show"? On CBS, Sunday mornings? In 1997?

I skipped teaching my Sunday School class of first graders at least once so I could watch it. ...Good times...

Well, I remember it, and that's what counts. And it's coming to DVD this year, people!

For your salivary pleasure, a "clip" (from

Announcer: If you thought there were no more natural disasters left to make a movie about, you thought wrong. 60% Chance of Rain, the most horrifying new movie of the season. The weather got out of hand.
Mayor: We can't go starting a panic, not during tourist season!
Announcer: Only one man had the courage--
Deputy Al: Mr. Mayor, I don't care what happens to your tourist season! Someone needs to tell these people that they might need a jacket!
Announcer: To bring Mother Nature to her knees...
Deputy Al: C'mon, people, let's go! Everybody in the rec room! We don't know what we're in for. C'mon inside, everybody!
Announcer: When the barometric pressure increases, so does the terror.
Boy: So we don't even know if it's gonna rain?
Deputy Al: No, son, we don't.
Announcer: 60% Chance of Rain. Coming soon to a theater near you, maybe.

I practically wet my pants reading that. (Practically?) That's comedy, people. (The pants wetting?) Shut up.

2006, 01/06 - CPR

Fun night tonight:

1) We love french bread. Love, love, love it. Mommy loves to dip it in olive oil with garlic salt & italian spices. Munchkin loves it plain, as long as the crust is good and crunchy. But the best part of having french bread is feeding the stale crumbs to whatever wildlife (birds?) lurks on the grass below our balcony, which Munchkin did tonight.

She donned her heavy coat and braved the near-freezing Georgia cold (ha ha, I know) while I huddled under my laptop to perform the post-dinner email check.

After she had done her Good Deed for the Day, she held the door open and called out, "ENJOY YOUR DINNER, BIRDS! GOOD NIGHT!" and blew them kisses and hugs.

2) Munchkin, on playing with a folded-up stroller: "How do you get this situated?"

3) "Mommy, you be the hospital-man. Um, hospital-man? My piggy got his knee scraped. And he died. You're not supposed to be laughing! You're supposed to be sad! ...You have to put oxygen through his mouth."

So I gave the piggy a bandage, a blood transfusion, and an oxygen tube up his nostrils. Then I told him to take it easy, and handed him back to his best friend. (She's not his mother; she's his best friend, she says.)

The verdict? "He's still dead!"

So I gave the piggy a new bandage, checked his pulse, administered CPR, and handed Munchkin a bill for $1,000,000, which she apparently paid in cash.

Oops, piggy scraped his leg again. And he doesn't have a pulse. And my CPR isn't working, so I showed her how to beat the heck out of his chest. She's having fun with that now.

4) "OW! You poked my eye!"
"Oh! I'm sorry, Sweetie!"
[she starts complain-crying (no tears)]
"Are you sure I poked it? I didn't feel any gooey eyeball slush on my hand!"
[complain-cry turns into a giggle]


Shout - Isley Brothers ("You head-shake, too, Mama!")
Tutti Frutti - Little Richard ("Yum!")
In the Summertime - Mungo Jerry
Good Golly Miss Molly - Little Richard
Superstition - Stevie Wonder

Under the Boardwalk - The Drifters ("not fast enough")