Friday, December 30, 2005

2005, 12/30 - Barry

Twenty seconds ago:

Munchkin: What are all those weird faces?
Me: Hmm? Oh, that's Dave Barry.
Munchkin: Mmm! That sounds yummy!

...Maybe you had to be there. ;)

Happy New Year, everyone!

Monday, December 12, 2005

2005, 12/12 - Divorce Talk

Tonight, I finally talked to Munchkin about the impending divorce.

It came up rather organically. During our Long Talk at Bedtime, she asked about how people could become "unmarried". I answered her questions as best I could...and I realized this was the chance I'd been waiting for--or the moment I'd been dreading.

I lay down next to her, wrapped my arms around her, took a very deep breath, and very calmly and matter-of-factly, just, gave her the information I thought she would need.

She took it in stride, perhaps because I sounded calm about it--and because her father and I have been separated for almost a year now. She had a few questions--what would happen to her if I died ("death" is a constant topic of discussion between us this year); what would happen to her if Mommy and Daddy both died; etc. I explained all such scenarios for her, and added in a few other things: That I will always be her Mommy. That What's-His-Name will always be her Daddy. That she is the most important thing in the world to both of us.

I started to get a little teary-eyed, reminding her of how important she is to me.

I told her if she ever feels afraid or worried about anything, she can talk to me about it, and I will help.

Finally, I asked her, "Do you have any other questions about divorce?"

She snuggled closer. She paused. She looked upward at the paintings on her walls--paintings the three of us had made as a family one afternoon, a year or so ago, just for fun--beach scenes, family members as cartoonish animals, a clown, some "modern" art...

I lay still, with bated breath. I am expecting questions about step-parents. She's seen "Cinderella" and currently harbors some definite, unsavory, ideas regarding stepmothers. Or maybe she wants to know if we'll still be able to do things together, as a family. Maybe she'll want to know what we're going to do at Christmas. Maybe she'll be angry she wasn't told sooner.

Upon finally having gathered her thoughts, she responded, "I think... you need... more decorations on your clown!"

We both then burst out laughing at her cunningly planned (and only funny to us) joke. We gave each other big hugs, and I tucked her in for the night.

*I do anticipate facing difficult questions later, as she mulls over this new information. But she took Part I well. And I am glad this is out in the open; I am more than a little worried she has begun thinking it is normal for married people to live apart.

**Sorry this wasn't funny.

Thursday, December 08, 2005


(These are taken from my old blog.)

Christmas 2004 Highlight:

"We'd left chocolates out for Santa, so I showed Munchkin that he had eaten one & taken bites out of two others, and she was really excited. Then we brought out her stocking, and she started taking things out, one at a time, until she pulled out the video, "Max & Ruby's Christmas" and dropped it and started crying and hid her face on the floor. Sobbing, actually. And we all panicked: What happened?! What's wrong?! Turns out she has that video at her grandparents' house, so she thought Santa screwed up or hadn't been paying attention very well. She was heart-broken!! So was I!! But we convinced her he wanted her to have one for home too, and Christmas continued, and Munchkin doesn't hate Santa. Whew!!!"

November 29, 2004:

"Today, Munchkin wanted to talk about "falling in love." She asked, 'what does love look like, when you're inside it? You know, when you fall in love?' Ha, literal interpretation! I love it! So of course I told her "falling in love" is what you call it when you are discovering for the first time that you love someone. So the rest of the evening, she talked to me about how she "falled in love" with me. (Awwww!!) And she told me that she was going to fall in love with someone and grab 'em and marry 'em! Probably a bunch of that is crap that was fed to her by one of her aunts today, but it was still cute, and she was excited about the idea. She is the sweetest."

Also November 29, 2004, but this one's not nice if you're religious!! WARNING; scroll down to the asterisks!!!:

"My mother-in-law is teaching Munchkin about God. Ugh. Three and a half years of shielding my impressionable child from religion...down the f*ing drain. I thought letting her watch & sing bible songs was bad enough! Now I have to make up harmless-sounding answers to her queries about The Lord, in case she parrots what I say back to her zealous grandmother (who doesn't know I'm an atheist--or didn't till now!)... Munchkin says, "God is real, and he watches over little children and protects them!" And I want to say, "Actually, God is an Idea, and Mommy watches over you and protects you. If there even is a god, he doesn't protect anybody, he just gives them a place to go after they die. So try not to waste your life away worrying about someone who will never, ever personally acknowledge you while your body is still breathing." Damn deities... First Santa comes in trying to take all the credit for my paycheck's worth of Xmas toys, now God is trying to horn in on a child's love for the person who protects her? God is such a bitch. Munchkin, well known for being painfully shy, also says, "I don't think I like God. He's ugly because of his grey beard. And I don't want to meet him, because I'm shy." While I get the sharp pangs in my heart because she says things like that just out of shyness (I'm a BAD BAD mother for not having her socialized yet!), I also get a sick sort of pleasure out of hearing her say she doesn't like God and that he's ugly."

*********End of naughty words*************************

August 9, 2004:

"Munchkin (who turned 3 years old this past April) said the cutest thing! Last night, for her bedtime story, I was reading to her from a book of poetry, as I had done the night before. And I believe I was trying out some William Blake on her, when she turned to me, reached for my arm, and looked up at me with her big, beautiful, hazel eyes and said, "Mommy, now read some John Keats." She's a genius!!!! Everybody do the Happy Dance!! "


Reasons For Not Updating:

1) Been having much trouble with Blogspot lately.

2) No time! Not appropos to update a website while at work! (whoops...)

3) Most of the funny stuff between Munchkin and myself lately has been of the more physical and ?auditory? varieties. Very difficult to explain so that it still sounds funny.

3b) Example: Last night, I had on headphones while I did the dishes and while Munchkin played with her piano. I constantly interrupted her by singing and dancing and being silly. She laughed her booty off.

3b.2) Night before last, I was tucking Munchkin into bed and listening to her telling me about something that had happened at school. I pulled all my hair forward, twisted it together, and covered my nose with it. She thought it was hilarious and kept laughing so hard she couldn't finish her story. I kept repeating, "WHAT is so FUNNY? Stop laughing! Some of us are TRYING to listen to your STORY!" Which made her laugh even harder. She was repeating this to me this morning at breakfast; it was a big hit.

3c) See? Those were only funny to US! Ya had to be there.

But! I have found some Munchkin-Mama convos on my old blog, which I shall re-find and transfer here. You'll have to make due with those until we start being more conventionally funny again.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

2005, 11/27 - The Finger

So, we're sitting in a booth at a restaurant--me, Munchkin, & Munchkin's dad.

From behind the wall of our booth, up pops a young waitress who wants to comment on Munchkin's cuteness. Munchkin, always embarrassed by unexpected attention, promptly performs an ostrich-burrow into my thigh. I laugh, which further embarrasses Munchkin, and she starts crying.

The waitress leaves; I direct Munchkin back to her pb sammich; and all is well once again.

About ten minutes later, we see the waitress heading back toward our table. I look over at Munchkin to see if she'll be able to handle herself this time--and I find my bright-eyed beauty pointing her Middle Finger straight up in the air, her finger and unthinking gaze directed at the approaching waitress.


As the waitress--with a sudden air of uncertainty--reaches our table, I gently but swiftly cup Munchin's hand into mine and sweep her arm down under the table. I struggle to catch my breath long enough to admonish, in the waitress' hearing, "Sweetie, that, um, means something you don't want it to mean."

Munchkin's dad & I are both fighting back raucous bursts of laughter; the waitress is struggling with giggles of her own, and, remembering what made Munchkin cry earlier, tries to cover with, "Oh, look at this funny tray!" as she hurries away.

Munchkin knows something funny just happened, because Mommy and Daddy can't stop laughing. And, she knows that she had something to do with it.

This pleases her, so she shows us her middle finger again. And again, and again, and again. Still guffawing violently, I am unable to explain anything to her. In a panic, I blurt out, "Oh, that's not the funny finger; we meant the POINTER finger is the funny one!"

So she delightedly POINTS for us over and over again (thank Goodness), until I finally force myself to stop laughing and explain to her [without explaining to her] why her previous gesture cannot be made in public.

"But we sing the finger song at school!"

"Then you may only point your middle finger at school, during that song, ok?"

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Friday, November 25, 2005

2005, 11/25 - Hush

Munchkin and I were perusing photos [of her] to send to my cousin.
We chose three, and I decided that was enough. Munchkin continued to point out photos she thought I should send, so I said, "If you don't mind, I'm just going to send these ones."
"I do mind," she replied.
I ignored.
"Hey, I said I mind!"
Teasingly, I retorted, "Actually, when I said, 'If you don't mind,' what I meant was, 'HUSH'!"
She laughed.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

2005, 11/24 - Thanksgiving

Best Quote of Thanksgiving 2005:

Munchkin does not like to give hugs to her grandparents, but I coaxed her into it with, "Show them how strong you are!" After she gave them each a big squeeze, she came to me and commented in a quiet-but-not-quiet-enough voice, "It's hard to hug those big fat people." I raised my eyebrows--"Excuse me?" She immediately corrected herself: "Oh. It's hard to hug those big chubby people."

Monday, November 14, 2005

2005, 11/14 - Bedtime

Daughter: [age 4.5 & finally in bed] Mommyyyy!
Me: [stuffing laundry into washing machine] A'll beeee rite theyerrrrr!

Daughter: Why do you talk like that?
Me: I don't know; I guess I think I'm funny.
Daughter: [admonishing tone] God gave you a nice voice; I want to hear you use it.
Me: [raising eyebrows amusedly] Where'd you hear that?
Daughter: My teachers... Mimi... Everybody!
Me: [thinking Hmm, maybe it's finally time to introduce her to the concept of Atheism] Well, who's God, anyway?
Daughter: He's just a person.
Me: [peasant impersonation] Well I didn't vote for 'im!
Daughter: What?
Me: Nothing, nothing, sorry.